Over the course of 7 days, I chatted with a friend on a normally tough topic. We chatted about abortion – from two different sides. We could have avoided the whole thing, or ended it at any point. But we were brave, and the chat was respectful… even healthy. I am glad for the result, yes. But, regardless of the result, I am thankful we both stayed at the virtual table, and had the talk.

*Day 1*

Carole: What would you label yourself in politics? What fits you most closely?

Kim: I consider myself a Democrat.

Carole: Can you tell me why Democrat?

Kim: Mainly because I am pro-choice and for gay marriage.

Carole: Wow – then yeah… you are in the right party. Ok. What is your Religion?

Kim: Christian.

Carole: Now that’s interesting, Kim. How do you reconcile Christianity with Pro-choice?
Its hard to tell someone’s tone in chat… but I really am just curious – I am not trying make you feel like you have to defend anything. We can agree and disagree – you know that. 

Kim: I totally get that.

Carole: Soooo, please share… How do you reconcile
.

Kim: I think if a woman chooses to end a pregnancy, no matter the reason, that should be between her and God.

Carole: All choices are between you and God. Interesting…. but as a Christian… you have decided to have a general opinion that its ok? In general, you say its ok if they choose.

Kim: Yes.

Carole: Wow. What in Christianity says its ok to make that choice?

Kim: Just because it isn’t something I would do I don’t think it is appropriate for my beliefs to be a factor in someone else having the freedom to do so. Same thing with same-sex marriage if you don’t agree with it then don’t marry someone of the same gender it’s that simple.

(Long Pause)

Kim: Are you too outraged to speak to me?

Carole: No – I have a friend here… so I am multi-tasking — But, Kim I do want to challenge you a little about what you said… just a slight, healthy challenge on what your role is as a Christian. So, yes I agree that we shouldn’t tell another person what to do…. but there are principles that humans agree to in this world. We have agreements about whether or not its ok to walk into someone’s home and take over. We have agreements about what is ok to eat – you can eat a cow… but not dog. We have societal rules and we have laws about walking up to someone and hitting them across the face. There are rules and laws that we all agree to uphold, and people always have the choice to break them… but there are consequences to breaking these agreements. Some severe and some minor. So consider abortion… yes, everyone has the choice… but as a society, what is it YOU want our society to say about abortion? I want a society where we say that ALL life is precious and worthy of an opportunity at an existence. I want to live in a society where the baseline is holding the only kind of life, innocent God-given Life at the height of sacred honor. What comes next is personal choice…. but as a society and in conversation and in my own life and as a believer in Christ I state with passion that abortion is wrong. Period. I don’t see how a Christian can think otherwise…. which is why I ask you to further explain… so I can see how you reached YOUR conclusion.

*Day 2*

Carole: Now… did YOU get offended? lol

Kim: No no. For some reason I only got the first sentence of your message yesterday so I was like okay…there’s nothing to respond to lol. The rest of the message just came through anyway…my best friend’s niece gave birth to a baby boy a couple months ago. Which at first glance sounds lovely but there is more to the story. Caitlyn was 13 when the baby was conceived, the father was 35. He is sitting in jail right now and will probably be there for a long time (which is exactly where he belongs). Caitlyn along with her Mom and older sister have been in and out homeless shelters her entire life. She was molested by more than one of her father’s friends from the age of 6. She has also dabbled in drugs, promiscuity, truancy, etc. So when I say I’m pro-choice that’s the kind of scenario I have in mind. Only God knows what will become of Caitlyn and her son- statistically, the odds are not in their favor. Now I’m not saying she should have aborted her baby, she made the right choice for her but, that might not be the right choice for another girl in a similar situation.

Carole: I get it, Kim. I have stories too… I am just presenting the “principle” of it. Here’s an example… So I was writing on a blog about gun control and a woman said that she has a gun for protection but she is “not one of those freaks who shoot first and ask questions later” she said, “If they come in my house, they can take whatever they want from the 1st floor, but if they come upstairs I would shoot them!” Ok… so I paused at that because YOUR house starts at the door. But she has compromised her principles to draw the line at the second floor. Why concede, and set that as her baseline for a robbery that may NEVER happen? Why not hold you principle at the door and then make a decision at the time of the robbery whether or not you are going to let them have the first floor before you shoot? When it comes to rape and incest, they make up lest than 3% of all abortions. I think our principles should be at valuing life and then taking those 3% on a case by case, individual basis, don’t you? Why open the door to a value base that ALL abortion is ok because of the rare, awful cases of the 3%? Abortion has been happening since the beginning of time… can you agree that we should have a standard for everyone that we hold to… and then we deal with the outliers as they happen on an individual basis with love and compassion?

*Day 7*

Kim: So, who would make the decision about the 3%? Would women have to go before a committee and disclose what happened to them and explain why they think they should be allowed to terminate a pregnancy? Would they have to sit on a bench in a court house or something waiting to hear the committee’s decision? I don’t think any woman has walked into or out of an abortion clinic with a big smile spread across their face. I’m sure it is a very difficult choice to make, women should be allowed to decide for themselves because no one knows better than them about their life. 100% of them deserve the same love and compassion. I don’t think being a Christian and pro-choice are mutually exclusive.

Carole: Well, we disagree. God created life… We aren’t to take that life away. I encourage you to consider the 97% and if you want to escort the 3% through the process to justice – well, that might be your calling. Help them personally. Don’t create legislation for the rest of us to pay for killing babies as birth control. BTW – I have seen with my own eyes more than 1 women leave an abortion clinic with a big smile on their face. I know of a person who has had 9 of them. So, this issue is personal… not hypothetical for me.

Kim: 9?

Carole: Yep. Disgusting.
When she was scheduling her 7th, I had just found out that I might never have children.
Needless to say, the conversation got ugly.

Kim: That person needs to be in an institution bcuz that is absolute insanity!
Do you believe in the death penalty?

Carole: You don’t have to tell me! And in the next breath, I say she doesn’t need to be a mom! That’s for sure! But there is something to consider… if she was surrounded by a society of people who valued life and didn’t present abortion as a form of birth control… maybe she would be forced to be more responsible. Maybe she would make better choices if she was faced with more responsible consequences – or at least had to face a culture of people and neighbors and friends who made her feel like crap for being so trashy. Maybe we would all rise to a better life if we were all held to higher standards. But not now… sex is like taking a dump – you can do it anywhere with anyone – and children are a choice… not a blessing from above.

Carole: Yes – I believe in the death penalty. I hope you aren’t comparing innocent life with the consequences of the worst evil in our society? Why do they both get the same “punishment”?

Kim: No I am not comparing them, I was just curious what your thoughts were.

Carole: Oh – ok

Kim: Would you consider adopting or becoming a foster parent?

Carole: Of course – Chris and I were talking about that yesterday. My parents took in children throughout my childhood. I have had over 14 foster siblings. Some of them still call today.

Kim: You definitely should. I would like to do it once I am married and more settled.

Carole: Will you consider holding the opinion that abortion is wrong. Hold that one close and then show compassion to those who need help with rape and incest situations? Will you consider being Pro-life as a baseline?

Kim: 7 years ago I was in a downward spiral, I was in the grips of severe depression. I was irresponsible and made some poor choices. In the midst of all that I found myself pregnant. I walked into an abortion clinic laid on the table and as soon as the doctor came into the room I jumped up, got dressed and ran out of there. A few weeks later I ended up having a miscarriage. When I think of how scared, alone, and desperate I felt in the days leading up to almost terminating the pregnancy…

Carole: Kim… you almost compromised a value base that I think you still have. You are a woman… a protector, a holder and a giver of life! To even think otherwise goes against our genetic makeup! No wonder its hurtful to our spirit.
I am not talking about miscarriage.
I am talking about a society that we work together to create; one that has PRINCIPLES!
We don’t compromise on them! We stand firm on innocent life having value! 
Can we stand there together?

Kim: This may sound awful…but I feel like who am I to take away someone else’s choices when even I could have done the same thing. I can’t do anything to help a woman facing an unwanted pregnancy.

Carole: Who are you? You are a mother! You are a friend! You are a fellow human being! Its ok to say NO to something. Who are you to take away a “right” of a man to rape a child? You are Kim, that’s who! And some things are not ok. People have the “right” to make many choices… but we have a responsibility to decide which ones will craft our society; which ones are an abomination to God and his creation. Rape is one… and murder is one… and there is no way around it… abortion is murder. Life was there… now it is not. Don’t talk yourself out of it. You know.

Kim: I suffered another miscarriage several months after having the first…not a day goes by that I don’t think about those babies…what they would have looked like…who they would be today…I even named them…

Carole: I am so sorry Kim.

Kim: I see now that I was wrong

Carole: This is not miscarriage we are taking about, honey.

Kim: I get it

Carole: So – will you stand with me as a pro-lifer?

Kim: I will

Carole: YEA!!!!
 We have a principle! 
Oh…. I feel good!

Kim: Me too. 
It doesn’t make me a hypocrite to say that something is wrong even though
I almost did it?

Carole: NEVER! 
It makes you a better witness to talk with someone on your old path!
You know what it feels like! Who better for God to use!
Does it make me a hypocrite to talk about how great marriage can be when I’ve been divorced?
Never! Because I know! I am an expert! And you are too.

Kim: I understand

Carole: Kim – I am crying. You blessed my heart
I am so proud of us for talking about this topic… its a topic most people avoid like the plague! But we did it! We had the discussion and we still love each other. We were loving throughout… even before you said you would stand with me. I am so proud of us.

Kim: Yeah, I was worried that when I first put my opinion out there that it would get nasty.

Carole: No. But its a touchy topic. I mean… it’s innocent life. People respond to that with passion. But they should, right?

Kim: Right. Every life is precious. Regardless of how they came to be. Honestly I don’t think there is such a thing as unplanned pregnancy, it may be a surprise to us but God has plans for each of us long before we get here.